You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He felt like a one man threesome
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
