i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
