Whod you bang
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
