Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
