did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
