Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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