i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
