i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize