Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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