you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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