RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
