The maid of honor just puked.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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