woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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