I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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