Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
