It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
