U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
