Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
