Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
