So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
