I would go down on you faster than GM stock
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
