I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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