well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
