My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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