He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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