sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
