Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
