Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
