Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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