I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
