Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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