alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
