You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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