i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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