so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
