i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
