the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
