So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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