how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
