You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
