the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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