Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
