Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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