I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
