so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
