Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
