well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
