I love black thongs
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
porn star boner night. come get it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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