I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
