please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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