when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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