we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
