I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
