Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
