I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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